Why?

It's that time of year again
December eleventh
The day my abuser died
For years I hated him
Years later, I felt nothing
This year, I missed him
Why?


Healing is arbitrary
Feel good, feel bad
Hate, avoid, love
Must remember
Avoid remembrance
This year, migraines
Why?


God taught me to forgive
It took a long time
I started to put aside
The horrible memories
Remember some fond ones
This year, I cried
Why?