Winter 2014

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Loving Souls????

I won’t let them hurt me

They won’t make me cry

I’ll turn to my Savior

He’ll keep my eyes dry

He’ll tell me don’t worry

You did not live in vain

In their souls they still love you

You will see that again

The web will untangle

The truth will be seen

They’ll say they are sorry

Didn't know they were mean

It may not come early

But it won’t be too late

Have patience and trust

In the time it will take

I’ll work on it daily God

Won’t let You down

I’ll hand You the stress

Until You turn things around

LMW c2013

I Heard the Volume Tumble

There’s a breaking in my heart

It’s one I cannot contain

A crack that’s ever widening

Blackness filled with pain

I grieve forever for his soul

When it pours it reigns

Prominently, purposely

Etched upon my brain

Not a lover, not a friend

A mentor, maybe so

Slowly probed my mind

He did, to let my lifeline flow

Jigsaw puzzles of the past

Seeking to be whole

One and then another

Reaching closer to the goal

I read the letter carefully

Again and then again

My brain began to burn like fire

I could not comprehend

The meaning of the prose

The simple strokes of fountain pen

Began to fade like photos old

No beginning just: The End

I should have been the one to leave

My life the one in jumble

Instead he put a shotgun to his head

Pulled the trigger, did not fumble

A shot so clean, so accurate

A man so wise and humble

Closed the book, though miles away

I heard the volume tumble

There’s a breaking in my heart

It’s one I cannot contain

A crack that’s ever widening

Blackness filled with pain

I grieve forever for his soul

When it pours it reigns

Prominently, purposely

Etched upon my brain

                             L.M Wilkins  2013

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It's a Sin

Blood is thicker than water
Heard that all my life
Thought I needed blood
To handle all the strife
The cause and not the cure, I learned
Blood is easily spent
Water flows more freely
Through the veins of discontent
Release the blood in earnest
Delete it from your soul
Replenish it with water
Watch your family grow
It's fresh and oh so soothing
Sit back and drink it in
ERADICATE the pain they wrought
To bleed to death's a sin


LMWilkins c 1999

HaHaHa........How VERY True!

Sick Humor: The top ten worst suggestions commonly given to someone with a chronic illness



Sometimes you just gotta have a sense of humor!

The top ten worst suggestions commonly given to someone with a chronic illness:
1)Have you tried holistic options? (many. I’ll bring it back up with my doctor on my next visit, thanks.)
2) Could it be your stress? (My opinion is, it is my illness. I’ll bring it up with my doctor though, thanks.)
3) Could it have to do with the altitude? (I’ll bring it up with my doctor…thanks.)
4) I read in {insert any generic magazine here} about a new medication. Have you heard about it? (I was on it when it came out 17 years ago. but I’ll bring it up with my doctor. thank you.)
5) Have you thought about being in a trial study? (I’ll ask my doctor. thanks?)
6) WOW. If I were you, I don’t know what I would do. I might just kill myself. (Thanks?)
7) Have they found what is causing the problem? (no. my doctor is an idiot. I’ll remind him, thanks!) Have you tried hypnosis? (I’m still sick, but when the phone rings I bark like a dog.)
9) Have you googled your illness? (….no! thanks!)
10 Have you ever thought you were getting sick because you haven’t wrapped your house in aluminum foil because, you know, the aliens have been bugging our houses for the past 30 years and in some cases, making people really sick. I read on…..gee I lost the web site. but it’s true! I heard it from Sally’s cousin’s sister-in- law. And then every time you use deodorant you would think you would be warding off these bugging rays, but it still makes it worse, so you are not being pro-active to your health by wearing that deodorant. I can’t believe you! If you wanted to get better you would stop wearing deodorant..(voice gets fainter and fainter the further you just walk away.) THANKS!!!!!!!!!!

Article written by Amy-Beth Maran , © 2007 butyoudontlooksick.com

My favorite New Years song....

Invisible Sin

Invisible illness, invisible friends, invisible family
What happens then?
The pain becomes worse
Loneliness sets in
Next comes depression
Is that not a sin?

They don’t want to hear, talk of what they can’t see
Don’t care if you cry
It’s redundant, you see
Keep your chin up
Lie about how you feel
But wait, isn’t that?
Yes, that is a sin

I’m NOT invisible, I just want to scream
It’s the illness, you see, that isolates me
Do they care, do they know, do they think about me
Or do they think in their hearts that they’re better than me
Because guess what people—guess what if you do
You’ll find in the end that it is not true
With that kind of logic, you will not win
Because I know for SURE, that THAT is a sin

LMWilkins

Made this card in 2001. It's still one of my favorites.

Two of our loving dogs--Special and Bandit.

Sadly they passed away :(

Yet, Another Poem

The background of this poem does not show up well,
.but is a photo of snow covered trees from my yard
on a cold winter day.

Why?

It's that time of year again
December eleventh
The day my abuser died
For years I hated him
Years later, I felt nothing
This year, I missed him
Why?


Healing is arbitrary
Feel good, feel bad
Hate, avoid, love
Must remember
Avoid remembrance
This year, migraines
Why?


God taught me to forgive
It took a long time
I started to put aside
The horrible memories
Remember some fond ones
This year, I cried
Why?

Believe

Crystal Nicole Ulin R.I.P.

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Sometimes the truth trumps love...

Family Truths

What do you say to a young man you love

Who is constantly questioning “why?”

When the answers you know

Will hurt the man so

That his heart would most certainly die

How do you say that your heart hurts from hope

Hope that ceased to exist for some time

How his vision of family formed long ago

Has unfortunately all been a lie

This family he longs for simply cannot abide

All the pain and deceit that it brings

For the members are varied in morals and truth

The things that a family needs to succeed

How can you correct all the wrongs that were done

Hope just cannot be the key

How can contrition absolve anyone?

He from above—must intervene

This family the young man strives to unite

And bring love and respect back within

First must invite God back into their lives

Then, only then, can the healing begin

What do you pray for a young man you love

Who is suffering but just doesn’t see

When the answers you know

Will bring hurt, it is so

Though the truth will then set the man free

                                              LMW 2010

Amber, a young lady with a powerful, compassionate voice...

No title...just thoughts...

No title; just thoughts...                                  

I lost a family years ago
Why? Because I didn't know
that “fitting in” meant
giving up
my heart and soul
to those I loved


What should I choose
Their love?
My life?
My mind?
Opinions?
Over time
I knew just what I had to do
Say goodbye
Wouldn't you?


Brothers, sisters, even the son
Grandchildren lost, what have I done?
I scream at night when not awake
I weep in daylight-what will it take
To overcome the pain and grief?
Who is this God, that others seek?



Met a friend who felt like me
Spoke of the Man of which I speak
Slowly, surely, found my way
Albeit hard, went day by day
Miss the young ones most of all
They never visit, they never call
Gave it all to Him above
He showed me He was full of love
And He alone is what I need
When my heart hurts, it’s He who bleeds


HE GAVE this handsome friend to me
Together we could stand the heat
And He who brought this friend of mine
Knew we would last until our time
On earth was through
‘til we would be
With Him Above
Living
Happy
Free


C LMW 2010

It's a Beautiful world...

God, you created a beautiful world
But I’m afraid you made one big mistake
You placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden
Knowing full well that they would not obey


How long does it take
For a heart that is broken
To heal
The hurt go away


You see all
You know all
And somehow You thought
We’d be able to take it and take


But the evil exists
On a scale so large
That I’ve not found a way to escape


From this horror that
Eats at my heart and my soul
PLEASE make it all go away


For the sin didn’t stop
With Adam and Eve
And my mind cannot fathom a way


To cope with the madness
Masquerading as truth
Oh the children absorbed in its wake


For the young are the ones
That we hurt for so badly
I know that this isn’t Your way


Things went terribly wrong
When you gave Eve that choice
And we pay for it day after day


Smite us Dear Lord
Start over again
We need a large input of grace


Send somebody who
Will not eat off that tree
One who’ll put that damn snake in his place


God, you created a beautiful world
But I’m afraid that you made one mistake
You placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden
Full knowing they’d never obey…




NOTE: Do not judge me, I know that God does not make mistakes. Free will is what causes the problems above...and He had a reason for giving that to us....someday, when I go to that Heavenly place, all will be revealed. LMW

Just a Little Note...Between God and Me

I just want to die
Don’t ask me why
It’s between the BIG Guy
And me

I’m not suicidal
It’s just this denial
That permeates all around me


He says it’s not time
But I feel it’s a crime
To be stuck in such
INSANITY

This world has gone crazy
And, no I’m not lazy
But the work for me
I cannot see


He says when my “fun”
On this earth here is done
He’ll gladly send Angels
For me

And he says not to worry
Or be in a hurry
The rules are His don’t you see


So I patiently wait
Though the burden is great
That I carry around hurting me

Still, I just want to die
But don’t ask me why
It rests somewhere
Between God and me

Thoughts on Christianity...words and song

Recently I attended a church service and after leaving, I felt compelled to write this song. It seems to me that all Christians have a different "idea" of what Christianity is. I attend church as often as possible: I LOVE to worship, praise, and honor God. If I'm troubled, or confused, I go directly to Him in prayer. His Word is what I rely on; His guidance I cherish... I'm glad I let God back into my heart and my life. My spiritual journey has brought me out of darkness and into the light...I can feel my soul again, something I thought was once lost...enough about me...Hope you enjoy the lyrics to my song...God Bless You, Linda

Foolish People

I was kneeling at the altar
Practicing my faith
Heard a child of God suffering
Tears streaming down his face
I asked the boy if I could help
He looked so sad and blue
He said he wasn’t “good enough”
But I knew it wasn’t true

CHORUS:
If you’re looking for a Christian
Who never makes mistakes
One who thinks that she is perfect
Well, you’ve come to the wrong place
My faith is strong
My love is true
It’s on Jesus I depend
So, if you’re judging my sincerity
Maybe you should pray again

I put my arms around him
Leaned in to hear his plea
Congregational fingers started
Pointing straight at me
“I don’t know how to be a man”
He whispered in my ear
Felt so helpless, asked my God,
“Will you help me?” (Through a tear)

Hold him, pass along these words
I’m giving now to you
I followed his directions
Got a reaction that was cruel
You were wrong to "hug on him"
You, stupid woman, you
Saw satan laughing in the back
You foolish people, you

CHORUS:
If you’re looking for a Christian
Who never makes mistakes
One who thinks that she is perfect
Well, you’ve come to the wrong place
My faith is strong
My love is true
It’s on Jesus I depend
So, if you’re judging my sincerity
Maybe you should pray again

Sure, one or two folks thanked me
Though the leaders not among
What kind of church does chastise
Those for the goodness they have done?
Guess I’ll never have a family
At least not on this earth
Don’t worry sister, Jesus said
For I know all you’re worth

CHORUS 2X’s

C 2008 LMWilkins

Oldness and other peculiarities...

Do WE come with a warranty?
I’m thinking of buying a new Sewing Machine. After hours of comparing warranties, cost, etc., wondering if I should get the one I really liked with the 10 year warranty, or the practical one with the 25 year warranty...it suddenly occurred to me, I’ll most likely be DEAD in 25 years…. or at the very least, sitting in a nursing home, gumming my oatmeal and drooling old, bad, love songs (Johnny Angel, Johnny angel...drool, drool, drool), to no one in particular. I’m getting the one I like...with the ten year warranty...and hoping I’ll outlive it.


Male vs female...
Ron took Bandit to the Vet for a shot. Bandit made an impromptu “delivery” directly in front of the desk, to let the staff know he had arrived. We might as well do a fecal check while he’s here, the desk attendant suggested, thinking, I’m sure, if I have to clean that up it’s going to cost them a little extra...Things went well from there. Bandit vomited in the car on the way home, but that was pretty much expected , so upon their arrival, Ron wasn’t too upset. In fact, he seemed almost happy; rather proud of himself. He came in with his arms laden with goodies, including rawhide chews. “They can’t have rawhide,” I said. “It binds them up.” Incredulously, he replied (in a tone that suggested I had no sense at all), “Bandit has a tartar problem”. “Buy him a toothbrush,” I said. The vet said this brand was digestible. H-m-m-m-m, 5 bucks for 5ounces. “Was Dr. Rangi there?”, I asked. No, it was a female vet, and she was really nice. Oh...‘nuff said. The mystery of the lighter wallet and the snickering dog had just been solved.


To be continued...